I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
