So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
