I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drunk is not a location!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
