you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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