I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
