I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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