I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
