youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
