the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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