apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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