Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
