Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
