come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
