Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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