how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize