He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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