Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
