i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
