batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
