I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
