It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
