reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
