While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
