Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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