I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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