My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
