How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
