I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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