You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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