I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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