how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
