rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
