Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
