In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
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A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe