I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.