Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.