once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
