And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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