i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
