great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
