i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
