I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
