Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
