Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
