The maid of honor just puked.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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