I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
