Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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