I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
