Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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