Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
