Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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