this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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