As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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