I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
