life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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