If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
