Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
