I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We need to get me chipped asap
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
