Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
