I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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