I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
