Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
