The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
