Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
