Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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