Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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