there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize