i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
