marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
